i'm up too late. even for a friday, 4:30 a.m. is too late when you're old like me. i'm watching the colbert report, and considering life's possibilities.

if i am going to do something to change my life, is now the time to do it? i've been putting so many things off for so many years, i'm not sure where to start.

there are a lot of things up in the air right now. a lot of uncertainties. and of course, i don't make any decisions until i absolutely have to. this does not often work in my favor.

i will most likely have to move from my home sooner or later. there's a hole in my bathroom floor and my roof is caving in, so moving is probably not a bad idea. i just hate the idea of packing. and paying rent. and finding an apartment what will accept my 3 cats. i am starting to think that if i have to move, i should move to a whole other city.. in a brand new state. and, oddly enough, this might be possible within the next year. i like this city, but i don't feel like i belong here. i've wanted to move to a cooler climate for as long as i can remember. i also want trees, culture and cooler shit to do. that being said, you'd think moving away would not seem so scary, so impossible.

thinking about my life in the long-term freaks me out. i'll be 26 years old in almost exactly 4 months. it might not seem like a big deal, but it is. i always thought that by 26, i'd have my shit together. i'm starting to think that having my shit together is just not in the cards for me. of course, i also think that having my shit together would be kind of boring.

when i was younger, i always thought that i'd have my first and possibly only kid by the time i was 27. being that i don't want to have a kid until i'm financially stable and in a loving and sane relationship, i'm starting to doubt that i'll ever have kids. maybe that's not in the cards for me, either. i could probably be okay with that.. but i'd have to get a new kitten or puppy every couple of years to make up for it. this will inevitably lead to me becoming the neighborhood cat lady.

i'm talking in circles here. i should go to bed. i have a happy and exciting weekend in store for me. james and tracy are here, yay! it's almost james' birthday, and somehow, this means that i get presents. they are too good to me.

next weekend is the battle of the bands. i'm retardedly excited about this. then, the weekend after that, the browns are coming to yuma, and april and i are going to go see jarhead. i am retardedly excited about that, as well.

the colbert report is over. i'm going to listen to music for a bit, then i'll turn the tv on again and pass out in front of that comforting glow. goodnight.

oh. the light bulb in my table lamp just burned out while i was sitting here. it scared the living shit out of me, and it took me a few seconds to figure out why the room suddenly became dark. living alone kind of sucks sometimes.

audio: stellastarr - my coco

# posted by aja @ 4:56 AM